Be Brave.

It's a blogging trend lately to do a "if you really know me" post. 

I can't really think of anything that scandalous.. 

I love love potatoes, 

painting makes me happy, 

and I'm ridiculously over critical of myself, 

however, it did make me think about actually being open. 

Everyone has a tendency to put their best face forward, 

to compare their behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. 

(..yeah, I totally stole that from Pinterest.) 

So, guys. 

I'm struggling here. 

I leave Raleigh, NC in 39 days. 

THIRTY-NINE

The house is no where NEAR packed, much less cleaned. 

Although I've contacted movers, none have gotten back in touch with me

ditto on the cleaners - both carpet and house.

 So, I worry. 

I'm running out of space to put the boxes I have packed, 

and still don't know what I'm going to do with the furniture. 

So, I worry. 

I'm nervous about making the new place a home, not just another rental. 

We need new furniture for a couple rooms,

 and while only spending $1000 is better than $10,000  it's still money. 

Money that I then worry about because -I don't have a job yet.- 

Both Mike and I decided that we wanted to get everything unpacked

 and in place before I start looking for a job, 

and let's be honest, do I really have time to fly across country for a interview?

No, No I don't. I know it's only temporary, 

but it's rough temporary. 

 So, I worry. 

Shiva's not getting better. 

They said it could take two months to get rid of the mites, 

and even two more months to get her hair to grow back. 

They also said it wasn't my fault. That doesn't help, though. 

She had a rash on her stomach when I picked her up from the boarders this week. 

Rash that will probably mean more antibiotics. 

More antibiotics mean more vet visits. 

Poor little girl has hardly any hair on her face. 

So, I worry. 

poor hairless face. 

We leave for Europe in a week. 

I'm OCD when I travel. 

I like reservations, plans, organization. I have hardly any. 

We dont have train tickets, underground tickets, attraction tickets, or dinner reservations. 

We don't really even know what we're doing. 

Canal tour in Amsterdam? 

Jack the Ripper tour in London?

Romantic dinner cruise in Paris?

Versailles? Anne Frank House? The Louvre? London Eye? - all need advanced tickets.

That I haven't purchased yet. 

So, I worry. 

Did I mention that I'm going to Charleston this weekend?

And going home the weekend I'm back in town from Europe. 

My friend is also due that day, so while I hope baby comes after Europe, 

I need him to come before I leave to go home. 

I'm also heading to Charlotte, to see a dear friend. 

This one, plus his lady friends. 

I could cancel these things. 

But, I dont WANT to. 

I've been in this town, with these people, for 26 years. 

It hurts to rip out these roots and replant them somewhere far -FAR- away. 

A land without sweet tea, bojangles or mom. 

Y'all - I talk to my mom &/or dad at least twice a day. 

Not kidding. As I walk in and out of work. 

Just - chat -

YES I KNOW I CAN STILL DO THAT and that there's skype, 

but leaving work at 5pm in San Jose means calling Mom at 8pm. 

Which is fine, unless shes working 12 hour days, 

4am is early. 8pm is late. You do the math. 

Yes, I'm 26 years old and I want my mommy. 

I'm not even going to mention that I'm

training someone new at work on software that I took 2 years to learn, 

(and i have 1 day to teach)

or that the cats and Shiva are suddenly at odds, 

or that I haven't bought my bridesmaids dress yet, (SORRY APRIL, I WILL FRIDAY!)

or that it isn't easy to maintain a relationship via Skype, 

or that I worry if we'll still have friends in NC or make friends in CA, 

or...

I'm not here to whine or beg for pity. 

Just to say, it's hard. 

I decided, however, that THIS will be bought 

for over my desk in Cali. 

Because, it's what I have. 

via

It will be ok. I know it will. Things will fall into place. 

 Mike and I are happy and love each other. 

We have an amazing family unit on both sides that surrounds us

 with love and prayers and positive energy- and good food..

We have friends that we love, animals that love us, and a great future around us. 

But, sometimes it's hard. 

So, I worry. 

(I promise a full post of cute animal pictures tomorrow so that everyone laughs)